Another Boyfriend Came Strolling Along

So She Has a Boyfriend…..this too will surely pass, won’t it? For all of you out there with daughers and sons starting to date, don't despair. There will be times of trial. There will be times for tears. There will be times for anger, but there does come a time when you know they will be okay. And so will you.

Please do not get the impression that I want to bash my son-in-law. Quite the contrary. I want to tell you about an amazing transformation that only God can do, but the wearing-thin patience of a mother couldn’t see it for a long time and somehow, I also became part of the process.

Along the road of life, we had the occasional boyfriend show up on the doorstep, but never had one appear to be special. One or two were a cause for worry, but they eventually went away. I wasn’t sure if they were inspired to go away by the big brother or not, but none lasted longer than a few dates. Until October of 1995. Gee, that seems so long ago.

At the time, I was not very impressed by the tall, slim guy with dark hair that my high school senior daughter was breathlessly talking about. I couldn’t see it. All the guys she liked seem to have the same physical description: tall, skinny, dark hair [usually hanging over one eye] and no butt to hold their pants up. They met in choir and were introduced by friends. The first date wasn’t much of a date. It was Halloween and a group of young people went to a haunted hotel in Beaumont. Not dinner and a nice movie. Not anything impressive for a first date. So, being me, I wasn’t impressed at all.

Ryan managed to go beyond the first few dates. He survived the big brother looking at him. He seemed unaware that I was rolling my eyes in exasperation. He remained in the picture and became part of our family life, kind of like a mole you see developing on your neck. One day it’s there - a little brown dot. Six years later you look and it is a permanent fixture the size of a golf ball. By some freak chance or divine intervention, this tall, slim young man won my daughter’s heart and left me baffled as to how and why. Oh, yes, he had a sense of humor. Yes, he was nice looking. Yes, he was nice to her, and he was a talented singer and musician, which was something that I, as a musician myself, instantly recognized. So, since I was stuck with him anyway, I offered his band a place in my home to use for a rehearsal room. No sooner did they take over my sewing room did they take over my life.

I became the semi-manager for the band and helped them get their first gigs. I ferried them to performances, took them on field trips to the guitar stores in Houston and constantly got up from my Sunday afternoon nap to tell them, “Please stop and tune those guitars. The gosh-awful intonation is shredding my last nerve.” Note that I made no mention of the noise. (Can you picture this classical pianist/organist with the alternative Christian rock band in her home trying to take a nap on Sunday afternoons? Let me tell you, earplugs can work wonders.) As their skills progressed and their talents bloomed, they approached the date for production of their first CD. I became not only their mentor, but band photographer for the album as well. To fit their edgy sound, we picked an edgy site. Uh, I better stop there because the rest of the photo shoot story involves parking in a cemetery, running down a road trying to stay out of view, breaking and entering a dangerous place with no trespassing signs posted everywhere, ducking in the high grasses while we crossed an opening and climbing the structures of a place we had no business being. But the photos were great! I could see the headlines, “Church Organist Arrested for Breaking and Entering Closed Chemical Plant With Teenage Boys. Teenagers Released to Parents to do Community Service. Organist Fined and Hung Out to Dry by her Toenails.” Yeah, that would have been my luck. Oops, I just put the whole incriminating event in print. Oh, dear, I wonder if the father of one of the guitar players is still the chief of police in that little town? Well, it was years ago….isn't there a statute of limitations on this kind of thing?

Let’s see, was I talking about the band or about Ryan? Actually, for a number of years, there wasn’t much of a distinction. Ryan came with three other bodies attached to him. These boys came to be my extended family. One guitar player would find his way by my side in the kitchen as I washed dishes just to talk about “stuff.” The bass player would show up and mow my lawn. The drummer - well, as typical of a drummer he did nothing but contribute psycho-hose-beast girlfriends to the picture. A couple of the faces changed in the picture over the years, but I still took comfort in their noise. They were good boys. They were there all the time, which meant they weren’t off somewhere getting into trouble. And the noise wasn’t that bad. My thanks and my money went to the manufacturers of the earplugs.

I never could figure out how Ryan could stay so focused on the band as a whole when he, as an individual, was so different. While having a great deal of intelligence, Ryan suffers from ADD, which means everyone around him pretty much suffers. Well, maybe I am exaggerating, but not much. You couldn’t even hold a conversation with him before he channeled off in another direction. It baffled me as to what Tina saw in him. He didn’t seem to dote on her. He only seemed intent on whatever occupied him at the time. The relationship resembled a blazing planet spinning through the solar system with Tina being the little moon orbiting slowly around him. Every now and then the cosmos lined up and he took notice of her in his path, just long enough for her to get a little light on her face. I can remember one of Tina’s college dance recitals very clearly. Ryan's whole family came to see her perform a short solo. She sailed in a flying leap across the stage and did a scissor split with such speed and alacrity you had to watch it on the video with freeze frame action to actually see it. It was that fast. It was astounding and she was beautiful in all the work performed that day. At the end of the recital, we all rushed to her side to congratulate her. Ryan’s turn came and I did NOT hear, “Tina, you were beautiful.” “Tina, you were great.” “Tina, that was so awesome.” What I DID hear was, “Tina, guess what I learned to do on the guitar today!” I could have slapped him sideways to kingdom come! I wondered if Tina even noticed or if five years of dating had numbed her to his ways. Sigh. If she kept this one she was going to be a disappointed wife. All I could do was pray he would go away.

But, go away he didn’t. Another couple of years rocked along and the engagement was announced. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Tina reassured me she had that boy figured out and loved him despite himself. On the night of their engagement party, Ryan stood up to give his speech. His closing words were, “And I get to marry the most beautiful woman on the planet and my best friend.”

The bell went off in my head - Ding. Was this the same boy who didn’t notice her graceful body flying across a stage? Was this the guy who stayed in the music/sewing room holding a guitar instead of sitting on the couch holding her to watch a movie? Was this the same guy who was always saying, “Tina, listen to this.” “Tina, watch this.” “Tina, look at the fingering I figured out.” Wait, there’s goes another Ding…..the key word here was “Tina.” He took everything to Tina for approval, to Tina for her pleasure, to Tina for her acknowledgement that what he did was worthwhile. This was his way of showing that Tina’s input in his life was of utmost importance to him. He didn’t have to show and tell the whole world - just Tina. She was all that mattered.

As time for the wedding drew near, I watched as he evolved into an amazing young man. I always knew he was talented. His skills for writing music and verse were, and are still, prolific. What started out as a very raw guitar strummer developed into master blending fingering and sound on the instrument. What I didn’t see was how he grew in his Christianity and his manhood under my very eyes. The forest was too close for me to see the trees. Suddenly, I saw this fine young gentleman, who was about to be part of my life and my family, eagerly helping with plans for the wedding. Unlike most guys who leave everything to the girls, Ryan and his parents were a big part of the event. And then I got a real glimpse of the man in love with my daughter.

On the day I took Tina to a mansion in Galveston to do her bridal portraits, Tina had a hair appointment which entailed mounting the veil in her hairdo. Make-up would be done in Galveston so it would be pristine for the photos. The dress was waiting in the car so it wouldn’t get wrinkled wearing it on the trip.

She arrived at the house after having her hair done in a beautiful style, swept up high on her head with loops and curls, leaving her graceful neck bare which she carried like a ballerina on stage. She walked in the back door wearing shorts, baggy shirt, flip flops, no make up - just the hair and veil were done. Ryan had entered through another door. He wasn’t supposed to be there, but had stopped by to get something. (for the guitar, of course) We heard him gasp. He beheld the site of her with the veil flowing in the wind and the light shining through it from behind her. The words that escaped him were, “Oh, my gosh. Tina. You are so beautiful. I can’t believe it.” She squealed, “Ryan Boone, you’re not supposed to see me. Besides, I look awful with no make-up.” He just stood there as if mesmerized by the vision before him. My eyes snapped open. Ding. He really does love her. I worried for nothing.

To this day he is the finest of husbands and companions I could have ever hoped to have for Tina. His talent has expanded to his art world of computer graphics. And he has learned to sit on the couch and hold her while watching a movie, even if it is a chick flick.

I can’t wait to write the chapter on what kind of father he turns out to be.