Sisters

On the vanity of my sister Alicia’s hall bathroom you will find a framed picture of two little girls in a tub full of bubbles. One has bright red hair and the other has pale blonde hair. They have impish grins on their faces, and bubbles decorate their cheeks and noses. You can tell they are having a blast and can guess that more than a little bit of water would need to be mopped up when bath time ended. This photo is of Alicia’s two daughters, probably around the ages five and three. They have shared a sisterhood like many women do - close, strong loving bonds that will serve to fiercely defend each other if under attack of any sort, yet I have seen those two fight like screeching wildcats over next to nothing. They almost have a language of their own and often question and answer each other with one-word byplays only they can understand.

With a difference of over six years between us, I did not have that kind of relationship with Alicia. Alicia was only seven or eight when our mother suffered through an extreme illness. I doubt that she remembers much of that time period or the struggles surrounding it. I am certain she had no idea of the turmoil my selfish little being was going through. I spent my days walking all over town to visit friends and to escape the realities at home. I wandered while my head spun with visions of grandeur and dreamed of living a life far different from mine. I certainly did not spend much time at home with a little girl I could not relate to. Let’s be honest. How many junior high age girls want to hang out with their families? At that age, our heads are in the clouds or up our butts. What could someone fourteen years old have in common with a second grader?
Puh-leeeeezzzzz! I was grown and gone from home while Alicia was still a mere kid.

I married right after graduating high school. Other than my giddiness over the wedding, I remember very little of home life those months leading up to my marriage. What is in the back of my memory is that Alicia seemed to be present every time I turned around. I even discovered her hiding under a cabinet in the bathroom. I got angry and told my mother she was following me, bugging me, snooping on me and in general getting on my nerves. The age gap between us was monumental in my eyes. I had no time or patience to deal with a kid following me around. Mother told me that Alicia was simply insecure about losing me. She was too young to understand that I was not going to disappear from her life after I married.

As time passed, my relationship with Alicia evolved. I am not certain that I can put my finger on the turning point, either. I found myself feeling not so much like a sister, but feeling more like an older friend who carted Alicia and her friends to the fair, had them over for slumber parties and acted as her personal photographer for all the events in her life. Still, the age difference remained an invisible barrier. We never had that in-sync mind-set that Alicia’s daughters display. We were not confidants or shopping buddies. We didn’t talk on the phone routinely as most friends do. I was busy with my own life being a wife and mother. I had friends of my own and other interests on which I concentrated. Building a relationship with her never dawned on me as something I needed to do. I was a self-sufficient steam-roller laying the groundwork of my life and needed help from
no-one. However, life takes you places you never realize you need to go until you arrive. And that is where I find myself today.

As my life progressed, the divide of our years and lifestyles narrowed to become immaterial. When Alicia joined my world of married women and motherhood I found we had more in common to share. I came to appreciate her talent with arts and crafts. Alicia is a wonderful wife and mother to her husband and daughters. She loves openly and deeply. She is loyal, honest and forthright. Life’s hard curves, such as our father’s untimely death, forged bonds between us that can never be broken.

I am at a crossroad in life where I find myself in need of something I never needed before ~ that confidant, that companion, that person I can go to at any time for any thing. As mother’s Alzheimer’s progresses I am acutely aware that I could not handle daily life without Alicia. Just the simple act of sharing laughter with her gives me strength to continue. Where I needed no-one before, I now seek Alicia out for advice. I turn to her when in despair. I pick up the phone just to hear her voice for a few minutes of adult conversation. I eagerly participate in every aspect of the lives of her daughters as I watch them evolve into young women with unique qualities of their own. I have come full circle. Where many siblings grow up close in age and drift apart as adults, my journey has lead me to the discovery of this kindred spirit I call my very own. Thousands of women have sisters, but none can say they have my sister.